ACCEPTING FAT IDENTITY & LOVING FAT RELATIONSHIPS
Doesn’t matter how you look at it and what you think about it, overweight people want Loving Fat Relationships and to have sex. Truth is, that not everyone wants to fuck a fat person. They might phrase this in such ways as ‘I care about your health’, or ‘you’d look more beautiful if you just lost a few’. But they all come back to the same point. They view fat sex as icky and gross.
It’s true, if you don’t want to engage in sexual intercourse with a fat person you don’t have to. But for every person that doesn’t here’s bunch that do. For this reason, fat sex becomes fetishized and often gets turned into a taboo topic when it shouldn’t be.
At the end of the day fatty sex is exactly the same kind of sex that everyone else is having.
Here’s the thing. Some fat people find it difficult to own up to their own sexual identities.
In a similar way to growing mature, fat people are often subject to desexualisation which sees a fat sexual identity being denied to us. In order to have a healthy and satisfying sex life where we identify as being fat, we need to move beyond that and learn to accept it.
It’s a lot harder than simply ‘getting over it. Especially more so when you’re into partnered sex and have to learn to take the risk. This article is going to explore some of the things that I have found to be successful when having sex as a fat person and loving being in a fat relationship.
BBW and BBM
There are numerous BBW’s (or BBM) who might love to have intercourse with smaller men or women. You might be one of them. Yet you feel that it wouldn’t work. That two radically diverse bodies couldn’t meet up in a pleasurable manner. But it can.
I’d strongly argue that the reason that you feel that it won’t work isn’t a physical reason, but a psychological reason. Numerous fat people who do have sexual partners let me know they don’t appreciate sex on the grounds that they feel reluctant, humiliated, or unfulfilled. In light of the fact that they can’t “give up” amid sex.
This conveys what is a standout amongst the most vital parts of getting a charge out of sex as a fat person. This brings us to our first rule when having sex.
RULE #1: NEVER HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE THAT PUTS YOU DOWN, MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY OR MAKES YOU FEEL UNHAPPY
If someone makes you unhappy, guilts you, or says unnecessary things to you – then it’s simple. They are not worthy enough to have sex with you.
With the exception that you might have a kink or fetish relating to the idea of humiliation and that you get off on the derogatory comments it should never be tolerated. Anyone that has the insane idea that they’re entitled to humiliate you, degrade you, or otherwise put you down. And then think that they can have access to your naked body needs to be put firmly in place.
I would also like to point out that I believe that this should not only extend to random fucks, fuck buddies and one night stands. But also extends to monogamous and long term relationships. Bodies evolve, personalities evolve and if they can’t handle that then they might need to move on.
You’ll have to conquer the thought that your lover doesn’t know how fat you are.
Your lover knows, and learn to expect the unexpected. He or she needs and wants to have intercourse with you. As a chubbette or even a bear you can attempt to bend your body into all the more “complimenting” positions whilst engaging in sexual acts.
As though my lover didn’t see my stomach was getting paunchy. I’d curve my back, decline to do positions that made me “feel fat. And wrap distinctive parts of my body with a blanket, sheet or clothing to shroud my inexorably tubby body.
I’d use fetish restraints and gear to hide my body, or keep my in positions where I couldn’t notice just how fat I was. At times that made me feel calmer. But for the most part it got to be repetitive, stopped me from feeling sexy, and irritated the hell out of my beau who simply needed to see his hot sweetheart stripped and satisfied.
Which brings us to the second rule.
RULE #2: BEING NAKED NEEDS PRACTICE
As the famous Drag Queen RuPaul says ‘if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else’.
If you cannot stand the sight of being naked with yourself, then you need to learn to accept who you are, what you are, and every inch of skin that you own. Feel uneasy about being naked, that lack of confidence is going to show in every single sexual encounter that you have.
If you need to, dip your toes into being naked by getting some sensual and sexy lingerie or fetishwear which comes in both male and female varieties. From there you can learn to take that off until you’re showcasing all your naked glory.
Learn to Accept Your Body
Trust me, when you learn to accept your body and realise that your lover loves your body the way it is you will find that your sexual confidence will make your sex life explode with pleasure.
Hang around naked around the house, sleep naked, clean naked. Do whatever activity you like naked and become comfortable with the way your body moves and shifts with all its jiggles. When I turned out to be much bigger I basically declined to have the lights on amid sex for the same reason. “He won’t know what my body looks like”.
Well, he completely knew how fat I was, and learned to expect the unexpected. Despite everything, I thought he needed to engage in sexual relations with me, and likewise, he cherished having intercourse with me. I thought that when he wanted to bring vibrators into our relationship, it meant that I wasn’t good enough.
Introduce Sex Toys
Quite the contrary, he wanted to bring in various couples sex toys because he sensed my unease. He thought it was about his own sexual performance. All he wanted was for me to be happy and content.
It took me quite a while to understand that my lovers were having intercourse with me to some degree on account of the way my body looks. Not despite the way my body looks.
It sounds straightforward, I know. But when you spend your entire life being informed that fat bodies are not sexy, it takes eventually to understand that sexiness isn’t that basic. This comprehension is not something that occurs without any forethought for the vast majority of us. For hell’s sake, it can take years.
Sooner you learn to feel sexy simply the way you are, the sooner you’ll have the capacity to make the most of your sexuality all the more completely. Truly, this goes for men and ladies of all sizes, not simply fat ladies.
You owe it to yourself and your accomplice to trust that he or she truly fancies you.
RULE 3: SPEAK YOUR MIND
Just because you’re fat doesn’t mean that you should be grateful for every sexual encounter that comes your way.
If something in the sex department isn’t working for you. Speak up. It might be something simple in so far as that you need a little bit of extra stimulation. Or it might be something psychological that you need to deal with.
Either way, doesn’t matter if you’re male or female. There’s a variety of sexual aides that you can use to get hard or get off. The more ashamed we are of things, the more pressure and less enjoyment that we apply to our sexual experiences. So if you’re a woman that needs a vibrator, or a guy that needs a prostate toy in order to get off, speak up.
Talking about sex can be awkward.
There’s no denying that. But you need to embrace the awkwardness and take charge of your sexual experiences. Hell, even if you end up on the floor rolling around laughing at each other, you’ve done wonders for your level of confidence and communication.
In our way of life we have been taught to fear having the capacity to squeeze more than an inch and to be appalled with our muffin tops. In any case, remember this: there is one place in life where you should never, ever be embarrassed about your body and that is during sex.
Sex is the time to praise its ability to give and accept joy. As opposed to pulling away in shame or embarrassment. Appreciate it when your lover grasps your stomach or strokes it. Sensations to the delicate curvy substance can be a genuine turn-on. The way a lady’s structure frequently holds its additional weight – around the gut, hips, and thighs – is seen by numerous partners to be remarkably ladylike and to a great degree suggestive.
Men with their dad bods, beer bellies and chortling can seem hyper masculine and an incredible turn on. You need to be able to focus on the joy that you’re getting, and the joy that your partner is getting.
RULE 4: FOCUS ON HOW IT FEELS
If you’re suffering from a lack of confidence as to how your sex looks, who cares?
Unless you’re specifically performing in a club with an audience, no one is going to be able to see what you’re doing. Realistically, at the end of the day, sex looks ridiculous anyway and therefore it doesn’t matter how it looks. If you’re watching porn and comparing yourself to porn– then you need to let go. Remember that pornography is a construction.
As long as it feels good, and you’re getting pleasure from the sensations, do not worry.
That being said, you might need to make allowances and considerations for sexual activity. To start with you’re going to need a couple of things. Get some huge, firm pads. Pads are a fat person’s closest companion amid sex. Next, locate a firm, yet springy surface to do it on. Pad top sleeping cushions and adjustable foam have a tendency to not be as simple to engage in sexual relations on. Since you sink down into those surfaces as opposed to bobbing back.
Next, get some respectable silicone-based lubricant, to be safe.
I’ve heard a great deal about fat ladies having “huge vaginas.”
Genuinely doesn’t bode well by any stretch of the imagination. Your vagina is within the body. That would be similar to stating that fat ladies have greater kidneys simply on the grounds that they’re fat.
What’s much more probable is that you might simply experience the inverse. A fat lady’s vagina or a male ass, can be hard to enter, particularly if you haven’t lubed it up enough. Fat individuals can have more cushioning around the entrance than a slim person. Making a possibly precarious circumstance.
Should your accomplice try to enter you when it’s not adequately lubricated up or doesn’t take the time to part the labia, there can be resistance. He/she may get the misconception that he has penetrated you giving him the feeling of being in a cavernous vagina.
With that in mind . . .
RULE 5: TRY NEW THINGS
Unless you’ve tried something, don’t knock it.
When my partner first brought up the idea of pumping up my labia, I was a little concerned. I expressed my concerns. My partner listened to my concerns and then gently said ‘Those are all very valid concerns, but how will you know if you don’t try it’.
Next time we had sex, he used a pussy pump on me and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Some of the best things that I’ve enjoyed were the things that I wasn’t completely 100% okay with. had to learn to both trust my partner.
In saying that if you’ve given it a go, not a fan, and your partner continues to insist then a more serious conversation concerning the relationship might be needed.